My Testimony - From Falling to Knowing God

 

I grew up always going to church with my family and started believing God was real when I was six years old.  I always believed God created me, but I wasn’t truly interested in building a personal relationship with Him or really following after Him.  After I graduated high school and went off to college, I lost track with church and my faith entirely.  I identified as a Christian but never lived it out and never tried to seek God or truly know Him.  When I was 21, I went through a very difficult stretch of traumatic life events and my mental health plummeted.  I reached the end of myself where I fell into a deep hole of depression, emptiness and suicidal thoughts and felt I was completely trapped there.  I hit a point where I lost every bit of desire to live and function and began constantly thinking of not wanting to be around and had plans to take my life.  I never wanted to leave my room or interact with anyone; it felt impossible to do anything and I was completely lost living day after day in turmoil. 

I internalized every single thing I went through and thought that everything I had gone through defined me.  I didn't know who I was anymore and didn't want to live with any of my pain.  I went to the hospital with no plans to continue on convinced that I wasn't going to survive the pain I was in.  Trauma consumed my thoughts, and I had lost every last bit of energy to continue.  The first morning I woke up in the hospital, I looked out at the sunrise and experienced a profound sense of peace that I had never felt before.  I was surprised by how calm I suddenly felt, unsure of where it was coming from.  I still dreaded talking to anyone, feeling devastated by being away from my family and friends, all while struggling to process what was happening.  I encountered a sweet older lady that was radiating joy walking around with the biggest smile on her face.  She was also seeking healing and shared with me an awful experience she had gone through but went on to say that God was the reason she was filled with joy. 

I was amazed by her kindness despite what she was going through while also being all alone with no one in her life to lean on for support.  She was the biggest light in the room, full of laughter and wanted to lift up every person she was around.  She took the time to sit down with me and shared with me that God deeply loved me and had incredible plans for my life and my future.  She told me how special and valuable I was, how my life had purpose, and she poured an abundance of encouragement into my heart.  During that conversation with her, I felt God’s presence so strongly as if He was giving me a hug.  Her words deeply impacted me, and that conversation remains one of the most transformative and meaningful I've ever had with anyone.  There was a group she sat with that gathered with their Bibles, spending time studying the Word and encouraging one another.  She made sure I felt included and welcomed into that circle.  I was able to connect with them, sharing both laughter and tears as I opened up about what I was going through.  God was working through this, bringing us together for a purpose—to leave a lasting impact on each other.

I realized that the peace I had felt was God letting me know He was right there, and I was going to be okay.  I did not meet the people I met on accident and God placed them in my path for a reason while He restored hope within me.  God was with me, holding me steady and assuring me that He loved me too much to see me give up—that He was still writing my story.  Even while I was away from my family, struggling to find hope again, God surrounded me with a loving circle of strangers who uplifted me up when I needed it most.  I made the decision to trust God with everything I had and to surrender my life to Him.  Those conversations I had in the hospital carried so much meaning, and the influence of it all still resonates in my life today.  With God’s help, I was able to make it through the rest of my senior year of college, and by His strength, I graduated on time.  I was blessed enough to also have a loving family and friends by my side the whole time who always believed in me. 

The journey of healing from trauma and forgiving myself for reaching a suicidal point has been one of the most challenging paths I've ever walked, but God has been with me every step of the way.  It’s been a path full of ups and downs, yet through it all, God has never abandoned me.  The hope God gave me in the hospital has never left me to this day.  His love and protection have been a constant presence in my life ever since, and I’ve felt His hand guiding me every moment.  Today, I live with joy, knowing I have a personal relationship with a loving God who not only saved my life but also brought me healing in more ways than I could have ever imagined.